Thursday, September 30, 2010

post blog!

This past weekend Jason and his parents came to see me on their way down to salt lake! It was so great to see a familiar face and of course it was especiallly great cause it was Jason!! I was counting the days till they got here and we hung out every second we could. We went mini golfing and beat his parents and we went bowling and im pretty sure he beat me 3 out of 3 games lol Then the next night i went into IF when i was done school and hung out with them again and we went out to cafe rio and the to the movie Ledgend of the guardians it wasnt as bad as we thought it was going to be in the end this one little digger guy made me laugh alot actually! Anyways cafe rio killed me and Jasons intestines I'm pretty sure cause we were both sick for the whole night after that. Then they left and went to orem the next day and i followed later that night after i was done school again and we stayed at the Marriot and it was such a nice hotel and the weather was SO hot! It was great! I got a twenty four hour flu the next day and through the night it was a killer! I felt so bad cause Jason just layed there and made sure i was okay when he could have been doing much more fun things! And i hated that i couldnt go do anything with them too cause i didnt want to waste any time that i had with them. After that on monday we went to Chucky Cheese for lexi's birthday ( jasons niece) and we had alot of fun on the games there! then we all headed our separate ways .. he went to vegas with his parents and i came back here to Rexburg. I am really looking forward to this weekend going to try and get into conference and im so excited to see Jason again and his parents! Hopefully this weekend will be sickness free!

first time

Firstly i have never blogged before so im sorry if this sucks lol well today i got really sick at school so while i was laying in bed reading everyone elses blogs i decided it was a good time to start my own.. i absolutely love my new school ts so much fun and interesting and its really hard for me to be home knowing that they are probly learning something new and im not there to do it! so far everythings gone really smoothly and i have been able to catch on really fast and im very happy about that. But we all know that life cant be easy all the time and that is probly why i am in bed right now to be humbled and realize that in my days im not doingwell on my own im being blessed each and every day just to be able to get up in the morning. If your reading this you most likely know everything about my past so i dont need to explain health things in detail right now but each and everyday when i can get up and eight i consider it a great blessing and im always greatful for it. As the winter approaches i get more and more fearful of the dreaded fibromyalgia mornings that are more of a question of when not if and how bad it will be with the bad weather here that they have in the winter. Its hard to explain to people the way i feel on those mornings and even full days sometimes. The burining in my muscles, joints and head. The constant notiousness that i feel and the desire to get out of bed but no way to escape my own body... The fear i have for the winter is in descirbable. feeling like that all the time pretty much makes you wish that sometimes you just would sleep constantly for weeks instead of feeling what seems like no one else feels. My mom knew me and she knew exactly how that felt and thats where my comfort came from was knowing that when i woke up in the morning and felt the way i did that someone twelve stairs away was feeling the same thing... that someone else could advocate for me and back up what i said i was feeling. Fibro is something that isnt recognized by some doctors as a real thing but its real and its totally all consuming sometimes and even on my best of days my body still is dragging.. my days have to consist of at least one nap becuase there isnt any other way that i can keep going without it. and that makes me feel like im holding people back from enjoying things.. like jason when he wants to do something and all i want to do is have a nap i feel bad saying that because im so young and i should want to be doing things all the time but i cant.. and on mornings like today i can barely leave my bed without any outwardly symptoms so it looks like im just tired and want to sleep in but thats not it at all and thats scares me for my future family and feeling inadaquate in fulfilling my duties as a mother and wife.. well thats my thoughts so far today hope you enjoyed ..:) cause i have never really done this before